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Read the full 2009 Tournament Write-up by clicking here.
The streets of Chicago are quiet. For now. All that will change when scores of dedicated gangsters and mob families descend on Lancaster, Pennsylvania from July 31st through August 8th for the 19th annual Gangsters World Championship. Clean and oil yer heater now!
We all know that Gangsters is Number One in the all-important category of "Boardgames with Squirt Guns." Now it's time to take full advantage of Gangsters' competitive advantage.
When you check into the tournament this year, you'll receive your unlimited, no-expiration-date "License to Squirt." You'll also receive a full-size, commemorative squirt gun. Be prepared to use your squirt gun to inflict wet, cool joy on all of your opponents as mayhem unfolds on the board. Naturally, everyone is encouraged to use the squirt gun in all of their Gangsters games this year (but, alas, it's not required).
You'll also receive a copy of the squirt gun etiquette with this year's announcements. Please be certain to follow all of the Hit Man's Guidelines to make your hits as much fun for you and your numberless victims as possible. Encourage all of your victims to become licensed to squirt too!
But the fun doesn't stop there. We're branching out to the rest of the World Boardgaming Championships. No one without a license will be safe anywhere or at any time. I'm encouraging all Gangsters to carry their personal, loaded squirt gun to every event and to find some way to introduce it into the game (with the permission of the other players, of course). Formula De not violent enough for you? How about a squirt gun shot to the chest each time you pull in for a pit stop? Sinking ships in Atlantic Storm, War at Sea, Victory in the Pacific, Attack Sub, or Naval War not wet enough? Add a squirt gun every time you lose a ship for added realism -- or, even better, fill your squirt gun with salt water for more authenticity! World at War getting a little long? Add a squirt gun duel to every naval combat! Advanced Civilization being too civilized? Use a squirt gun every time a piece is lost in combat. Now metalworking looks even more attractive. You get the idea -- squirt guns can seamlessly fit into any game!
After you use a squirt gun in an event other than Gangsters, report back (either at a heat or any time you see me, John Pack). For each different event, you'll get a Tommy Gun sticker to put on your squirt gun, licensed-to-squirt badge, or fedora. There's no limit to the number of stickers you can earn and display! However, there's a special title we'll confer upon those who earn Tommy Guns as follows:
There's an added bonus when one reaches the Hit Man level -- you'll also receive a Tommy Gun pin you can use to adorn your fedora, convention packet, or licensed-to-squirt badge. Only the elite "007" level will be entitled to wear this emblem of their prowess. Imagine the terror your opponents will feel throughout the convention when they see the Tommy Gun pin that signals the presence of an infamous hit man! They may wet themselves even before the squirt gun carnage begins.
I'll bet the actual-size picture (shown to the right) put fear into your heart just now as you were reading. Now imagine someone named "The Denist", "Baby Blue Eyes", "The Knife", or "Knuckles" waltzing up to your table with a Hit Man Tommy Gun Pin, a fully-loaded squirt gun decorated with seven-plus Tommy Gun "notches," a license to squirt, and a major mobster mojo going on. Whew -- the thought would make a WBC novice tremble at the mere mention...
But the squirt gun fun doesn't end there...
St. Valentine's Day Squirt Gun Fight
The Godfather has ordered a hit on Saturday, August 7th, at precisely 4:25 pm (just before the last Gangsters Heat) across the parking lot behind the Amish barn. All hit men, hit men assassins, muscle, thugs, bouncers, gangsters, family, bystanders, and "friends" are invited to join the squirt gun free-for-all. I will bring as many loaded squirt guns as I have left and arrange some buckets for a water supply at the corners of the designated battle zone.
At 4:25 I'll review the Hit Man's Guidelines. The carnage kicks off at 4:30 sharp and will last exactly 15 minutes. Shoot and be shot. Those in the battle zone at the start are eligible for the "Driest Gangster" award. Anyone who follows the rules is eligible for the "Wettest Gangster" award. At 4:45 get in the line-up for wettest or driest -- whichever you think youse got the best chance at. The GM and any assistants up for the other prize will review the line-up and award prizes. All participants in the free-for-all earn one Tommy Gun sticker! Then we can all head in and get to the action on the streets of Chicago!
This'll be short, intense, and loads of fun -- just the break you need in the intense competition toward the end of a week of championships. Be wet or get others wet. The choice is yours.
The Hit Man's Guidelines
Water damages paper and cardboard game components. As a consequence, even mobsters need to use proper care when mixing squirt guns and board games. Follow these simple rules so that both you and the victim (and occasionally you will be the victim) gain maximum enjoyment from the experience:
Now we're ready to have some fun with water and board games as only Gangsters know how!
Those who want to be licensed-to-squirt even before their first Gangsters Heat can find me at any time -- I'll carry the licenses with me through the convention!
See youse in two weeks...
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